Still counting off the days for when i can start...
9 months to go. as i walk the path my life is taking me, i strugle with myself. Every time, i face new problems, telling the truth to people i care about the most. Sometimes you can see the change in their face, in their eyes. You can see that some of them don’t really get it, you can see their disbelieve, disappointment, sadness. But in some cases you just see the same friendship and love...
in my eyes my life is a living hell. it has been...
not that i complain but im fucking sick of feeling that i need to convince people that there do is something wrong with me
MY FUCKING GOD
what is it with you’r fucking pissed off mood. “i dont wanaa play a cab” we hardly ask you to drive somewhere and its the same fucking distance. do not fucking insult me because you’r mood is shit
my patience is put to a test, and its driving me...
sometimes i think one year thats not that long i will get there. but on the other hand 1 YEAR TO GET THE FUCKING THERAPY its driving me mental. its fucked up that you have to wait 1 year for therapy and if you are all tested and stuff you get the greenlight and can start T by that time your 6 to 8 months later. what if i get red light? what if my head is just making this up, i don’t know...
so the normal ups and downs are there but if been down to long i bought my first binder. the lady who makes them is super nice. i’m really happy with it, but its not completly flat and i had a M so i orderd a S online from the same lady. now i hope i fit that one and if it makes me flat :) ooh and i choose a name Ryan i always liked it so thats how i’m called :)
tomorrow getting my first binder i can't wait
so i told my mom in a 2 pages long letter how i feel. she basicly thinks its a fase. i hope it is. but i will see i just know that this answers my whole live of hating myself. and if i say in about a year this is not the right path. i will changes, maybe i settle with androgyness feel, or genderqueer, highly doubt that. i wish i could. but anyway now she ask me just to “be myself”...
IM IN I'm in the gender program. I could fucking...
I'm the happiest kid alive right now
i had my appointment with a gender therapist. it all went good, and he said “if its up to me i would put you in the programme right away, or in fact let you start hormons tomorrow. but i can’t. the rest of the gender team has to decide on thursday” SOO thats great news. i have high hopes and friday i get the “test result” for the programme. lets not talk about...
i went to the hospital to the gender part, and i have a appointment with a docter next week. i am so happy right now
you know what sucks the most? not the person...
how can i live my life, when i'm gonna be a...
it turns out thats its fucking hard to go to a...
so i have been kinda deppresed the past view days,...
soo on lgbt camp i told my teamcoardinator that if...
it feels good, on one side i’m scared as fuck but on the other i cant wait to talk to someone
last week i met the first transguy in my life on...
vacation maybe it will take my mind off of things
Nobody ever listens to me
i'm fine, its weird. for a while i have been...
not wanting to see your best friend but do meet up...
actually it pisses me off because if i wasn’t so easy in just doing things and me biking to your place, we would hardly see each other. like our other friend, she misses you and you are just to lazy to go to her or do something. i’m not saying you can’t meet new people its better you should meet more people. but not working on your friendship that you already have making excuses...
Happy with who i am one minute completely fucked...
This is me, i don't even know what that is